Trick Or Treat, Zim
by Hey Lady Hey
Summary: Zim offers Dib a new future. Trick or treat? One shot, drunk!Dib, cursing. Happy Halloween!


Trick or Treat, Zim

Rating: T for language

Zim offers Dib a new future. Trick or treat? One shot, drunk!Dib.

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"And tonight, on MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES, we will delve into the long-debated mystery of the Jersey Devil**(1)**. Is it really out there? Why do I smell like fish?..."

Dib was half awake, watching Mysterious Mysteries through glassy eyes. He was so tired. He raised the beer bottle to his lips, downing the little that was left in the bottom. Tired, drunk, and just plain...

Lonely. Dib was lonely. With Professor Membrane out in his public lab, and Gaz out egging innocent kids with her friends, he was utterly alone during Halloween. Him and a bowl of candy which barely had a dent in it- Nobody came for candy in these parts anymore. All the candy he gave out anyway was 'Membrane Pops', which tasted like saw dust and smelt like chlorine.

"Here, we have an eye witness to the Jersey Devil!" The Mysterious Mysteries Anchor droned. A slimy looking man with fat bulging from his tight-fitting shirt grinned, waving at the camera. "Mmm, yeah, I've seen the Joy-see Devil. He was all... Big and stuff... Yeah. Big." A burp erupted from the man's lips, and Dib was forced to look away from the TV in disgust. Shows weren't like they were back when he was a kid...

The doorbell rang, startling the teen into awareness. Dropping the bottle on the floor, he grabbed the bowl of candy, near falling over another bottle. Another impatient ring from the doorbell, then two, before Dib stumbled to the door, throwing it open.

"Weeee-heeeee, I want candy!" The little boy shrieked, stuffing a fist into the lollipops and shoveling them into a bag. Orange hair in a tuft on his head, with bright blue eyes glowing from his mouth he looked-

Eyes. From. Mouth?

The bowl dropped as a green blur tackled Dib to the floor, a metal leg coming from the things backpack to slam the door close. It took a few seconds before his spinning head registered the grinning alien that was pinning him down, but it took less then that for a reaction;

"Get the hell off me, Zim!" His voice slurred slightly as he struggled. Zim grinned, watching the other squirm beneath him to no avail. "It's no use, Dib-stink."

To Zim's surprise, Dib stopped. A gloved finger gently poked the front of his glasses. "What's wrong with your eyes?"

"I'm drunk, Zim..."

"Hmm... And why have you caused yourself to do this drinking?"

A half-hearted sneer erupted from Dib's lips. "Like I'd tell you." Zim scowled back, plucking the glasses from the boy, ignoring the surprised cry as he threw them harshly against the door, letting them shatter to the floor. A disgruntled grunt escaped Dib's mouth. "That was... Uncalled for."

Everything was now blurry to the point it hurt. He tried to rub at his eyes, but Zim's grip had yet to loosen. Dib settled to just closing his eyes. "What do you want, Zim?"

"You."

The words were startling, making the teen's eyes snap open, before quickly closing in pain as the dizzying blur of colors and smudged lines assaulted him. "Me? What for? There are better people to slap on an autopsy table, finer human beings..."

He felt Zim shake his head, his arms shifting slightly as his cranium shook back and forth. "No, no, no, stupid little Dib-human. I want you, for a very grand experiment. I think I can turn dirt-babies into Irkens."

Another quick opening of the eyes, and even quicker eye closing, wriggling slightly as a migraine started to pound around his temples. "What... What the hell are you talking about, Zim!"

"I can turn humans into Irkens! And you... You, Dib-stink, would work... You know, we're not that different, you and I. Emotion wise and all. And based to an Irken, you humans have the closest DNA possible."

"Zim, humans' DNA is like many things on earth. We share more then 50 of our DNA with bananas..."

"No! But this is different, Dib! I tried it on other things, Dib-stink, and they worked as much as it was physically possible. Don't you want to see _real_ aliens, not this..." Zim turned to look over his shoulder at Mysterious Mysteries, which was currently wrapping up why the Jersey Devil was obviously not a chipmunk, but something much more mysterious. "Human filth... This dirt planet dosen't deserve you, Dib."

"..."

"If you do it, I bet you'll be a Tallest." Zim knew that Dib had tapped into conversations and files on his computer plenty of times before. The meaning of being a Tallest was just as great to him as it was Zim.

Dib's amber eyes opened slightly, just so he could look at the green blob looming over him. "...Tallest?" His father's love of power sparked in him, just like the time he was in Zim's holograph room, where he ruled the whole world as a paranormal scientist extraordinaire...

And defeated the Irkens. No. No. This wasn't right. "You lie, Zim... Go home. I don't care."

Zim's gloved fist came from the corner of his vision suddenly, connecting with his jaw, jolting him as pain throbbed. His eyes flared open as a blurry hand came towards them, holding his eyelids open as something... What just came out of Zim's pak? What was looming forward, approaching his eyes...?

Pain blossomed in his head as he swore his eyes were yanked out of his skull. His head jerked slightly as the thing stuffed something into his eye sockets. Dib blinked over them, eyes watering as he wriggled away from Zim, making the alien fall off of him. Reluctantly opening his eyes, it startled him as the world came in a crisp picture, filled with more color then he thought ever possible. Outside through the window, he could see the house way down the street...

A mirror was shoved in his face, showing his face but with Irken... Amber Irken eyes. "Wouldn't it be nice to be the first amber-eyed Irken Tallest ever?" His hand shaking, he reached upward, touching the eye- _'Yes,' _The contact of the finger made him recoil. This Irken eye was so much sensitive. _'They're my eyes...'_

"...Why are you doing this?"

"They say to keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."

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Dib sat on his roof, unwrapping a chocolate hard taffy and popping it into his mouth. Zim had stormed out when he had refused his gracious offer.

No, it wasn't gracious. No, no.

Well, the rampaging alien had scared a few kids. He now had a pillowcase filled with candy at his disposal. He had already thrown the damn tootsie rolls that the cheap people handed out at the few kids walking by. He clutched his beer in thin hands, pressing it against his chest before taking a sip.

"Hey, fuck-face. What are you doing?"

He didn't bother to turn around as Gaz sat next to him. She had grown over the years into a thin but well-built woman, still shorter then him, but able to kick anyone's ass. He looked at her, grinning slightly. She could have gone trick or treating if she'd wanted too- The purple hair, the dark lipstick, pale features and little gothic dress made her the perfect vampire.

"Drinkin'. You finished whatever you were doing out there...?"

"Yeah. If Ms. Bitters comes to class tomorrow real pissed, you can thank me."

He took a deep drink, tilting his head back. Coincidently, when he opened his eyes, he had fallen back against the roof, spilling a quarter of his beer on him. Gaz was chuckling.

"Wha... What's wrong with you?"

"... It's pretty bad to get this drunk, but right after you did it with Zim? Was it that bad?"

The blood rushed to his face much quicker then he would have liked. "What? I fuckin' did not!" Even he could hear the exaggerated slur on all his words. Gaz snorted. "Then, why did he disappear into your house for almost 30 minutes?"

Was it that long? "He... He... It wasn't..."

"I always knew you were queer, Dib. Congrats."

"HE WANTED ME TO FUCKING COME WITH HIM AND BECOME IRKEN!" Dib snarled, sitting up abruptly and throwing the bottle over the roof. It crashed below.

Gaz fell silent. It was nearly a minute before she said. "And you turned him down?" A tired nod. "That was stupid. Now you're just a stupid queer."

Dib grunted in reply. He felt no inclination in continuing bickering. But she kept talking. "Nobody here fucking likes you, Dib. You don't have any love other than that alien of yours- Why _don't _you go? Or are you such a damn pansy you can't handle leaving a planet that's slowly killing itself whether you protect it from aliens or not?

" The only people who know you're alive is Membrane, who wouldn't give a rat's ass if you disappeared, and me, and- You're a brother. Fuck, you're a mediocre brother at that. It'd be good for you to go out with him."

Mediocre. That was the closest thing to a compliment Dib would get. He took it without argument. "... Do you really think so..?" He said it so softly, he doubted his sister would hear, but she replied with a quick "Yes."

"Now go to bed, stupid. You're going to roll off the roof, and I don't want to clean up your brain when that huge heads of yours cracks open on the sidewalk."

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"I got chocolate bubble gum!" Gir squealed, opening his mouth so that Zim could see. The alien scowled, turning away from the robot as he scarfed candy down as fast as humanely possible. It was disgusting- This whole planet was disgusting. He hated Halloween.

The doorbell rang, and still simmering in anger, Zim nearly hit the teenager over the head with the candy bowl. But he didn't. The big head and the amber eyes betrayed him in the dark.

"... Did you come here to say yes, Dib-human?"

"Trick or treat, Zim. What is it?" The slur was there, but the logic and wit was also.

"Treat, Dib," He said softly, suddenly grabbing the human's thin hand and pulling him close, dropping the candy bowl at his feet. "A treat to go over the stars as one of the most dominant species in the multi verse."

The boy let out a mixture of a sigh and small sob, nodding his head before slumping against Zim, passing out.

"Happy Halloween..." Gir laughed from inside the house. Zim smiled, holding the boy with his spider legs as he walked inside, abandoning the candy bowl. "Yes, Gir. Happy Halloween indeed..."

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM MUH! If you liked this story, I'd advise reading my other short story, A Star, or my longer on-going story, Caring is Creepy, all IZ fic. Ta-ta!

**(1)** Whee! I have to say, I'm from New Jersey. I used to be near the Pine Barrons, where the Jersey Devil lives all the time.:3 Shpookeh. Including when I was at my grandmother's house, which is literally in the middle of a wooded community.O-o Tree frogs never sounded so creepy during those times.


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